We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
