I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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