I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We got so high we made milksteak
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
