Welp...herpes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
