Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize