I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
