Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think my moral compass just broke
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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