thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
