Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
