She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
