At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
