38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
