last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
