i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
