Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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