my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
