Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
