is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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