dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need to calm my uterus...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
