can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
