I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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