I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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