I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i out mim tonsoeep
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