I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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