Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
