ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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