and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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