Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
