take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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