They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When are your genitals available?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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