so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
