I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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