Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
