So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
