Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
