Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
