I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
