i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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