I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
