She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
