We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
