whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize