It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
