i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
