If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much rum. So many feels.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
