i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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