She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
