Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
