I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize