do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
