the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
