tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
