rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
