it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
