I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
