Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
