I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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