here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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