i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
