I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
