Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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