That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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