piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
