and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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