I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
