remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize