Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
